End this Pain...

Rohan sat beside a desk, appearing melancholic, his deep dark eyes looked dull, and anxious, his cheeks tears streaked... still fresh, hot, tears were rolling down his face, his hairs awry, his mind sinking, somersaulting in a myriad of emotions... 

He closed his eyes and gasped.

And then began scribbling in the diary pages... He stopped for a while, looked towards the window, his eyes distant, staring ahead, memories rushed to his mind...

*Flashback*

"Papa look I cleared the Entrance exam for IIT" - Rohan exclaimed with joy, clenching a printed page of result.

"Bravo! That's my Son..." Tears of joy leaked from the corners of Rohan's father's eyes... He embraced his son and placing both hands on his shoulders, spoke, swelling with a certain pride, " My son will become a successful engineer. " " Promise me, you'll fulfill your Papa's dream." 

"Yes Papa, I promise" and Rohan hugged his father affectionately...

 The diary pages began fluttering by the slow breeze... 

Rohan retraced back to the present... He wiped the tears from cheeks with his palms, and continued writing...

"Sorry Papa...  I'm really sorry"

His stomach felt sick, the ugly, haunting memories, suddenly clenched their grip, clouded above him... The vague, dreadful, blurry images played trick on his mind....

"Ahhh.... " He screamed in anguish, placing his palms over his ears, covering them from the hissing, hateful noises and whispers... 

He picked up the family photograph which was kept upon his desk, hugged it for a long while and sobbed...

His dad, squarer build, a quiet always content, yet hardworking person,smiling at him through the photograph, his mother a petite, pretty looking woman standing beside his father and Rohan, only fifteen then, lanky, wrapping his arms around father and smiling broadly... 

He stared at the photograph silently... Embraced it longer, one last time, and placed it back on the wooden desk.

The room felt unusually quiet... His room seemed so silent and empty, yet the presence inside felt strangely heavier.

Out of the window, a flock of birds, flapped their wings swiftly and flew from the roof... As if fleeing something terrifying to come...

Rohan slowly stood up... something fell from the desk, he hardly noticed he dropped the pen. He was no longer conscious of anything...

He gasped.

Hanging from the hook in the ceiling... A rope with a noose all ready. And a chair to stand upon-- a chair that could be kicked away...

Rohan moved forward... His eyes staring ahead blankly like a sleepwalker's...

He climbed upon the chair, his hands were cold and shaky... He adjusted the noose round his neck.

Tears rolled down his face, as he shut his eyes... He sighed briefly... And then kicked away the chair.

"I Quit..."  The diary pages still kept fluttering...

He sat curled up, gripping his knees to his chest tightly. Frozen and numb... Staring absently ahead... Tears rolling down his face.

His wife sat beside her Son's lifeless body, and wept continually... She cried loud and bitterly with hiccups... 

Someone placed a consoling arm around Rohan's father and picked him up. They walked outside and stood in a quiet corner. "We are sorry about what happened." He took a deep, long breath  then continued, "No names were mentioned in the note. We can press charges for harassment and continue further investigation... If you will." 

Rohan's father stood silent, his eyes still wet... He looked at the policeman, then stared the diary for a while. He opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. 

He simply nodded, in silence.

"Sorry Papa... I'm really sorry" He ran his fingers across the diary page, feeling the letterings...

"Rohan..." He cried, holding the diary closer to his chest... 

"I Quit..." He kept staring the two words, and tears remained streaming down, falling on the pages...

"I Quit..."

*Disclaimer:

It is a work of fiction, inspired by real life issues. The Characters, events or incidences are the imagination of the writer. Any resemblance to any character, event or incidence is purely coincidental.

************************************************

~Forever in my Heart~

I sometimes still fight the reality, it seems so hard, but have to accept the truth.

"We can ignore even pleasure. But pain insists upon being attended to."
- C.S Lewis

"Ah..."- I sigh briefly... 

I would visit her often at my dad's younger brother's house, she would be sitting on a cushioned couch, watching a TV show, but I know it certainly well... Every day of the week, thoughts about me would cross her mind. I would greet her cheerfully, calling her my 'old girl' ( oh, she was chatty, happy, my cuddly teddy bear, I had so often wondered what was she like, when she was like me, my age?) 

I would greet her with a tight warm hug and kiss her cheeks, it was like wrapping yourself to coat of happiness, all my worries and insecurities would just disappear suddenly, like evaporate in thin air.... when I was with her. 

I miss her, so much... Her voice when she would call my name, she would wrap her love, to every vowel, it had never sounded such sweeter to me. 

I loved her the most, but I regret myself, to have denied all chances of spending much time with her. 

Dadi I wish you were with me.

I realize now, I lost my bestest friend... My Buddy for life! 

Time, they say, it heals... Seasons change ( just like you observe in the nature cycle) .. It was... Though it still hurts, was a season of pain, season when the trees shed their yellow, brown & sometimes orange leaves.

 A season of bereavement, loss, pain, memories... 

When the bare trees stand alone, silently, in silence waiting... Their stretched branches seems to be pleading to heavens, seeking grace, imploring with aching arms, their branches, that stretch forever to the Creator. 

How often, and how quickly we complain to God, that invisible powerful source, (that no one has ever really seen, no one...) About our lives, our cares, the burdens we are forced to carry... 

Our backs are hunched, we keep cold shoulders, disappointed with ourselves, with people, with circumstances, even disappointed with God, though now as we complain, we rather doubt, we doubt if he does really exist? Or even sees us fall and fail and crumble?

 

Even I questioned, I was doubtful too... Why would such a thing ever happen to her, my granny? Why would a kind, loving and religious soul like her, ever had to experience suffering, why would the life swallowing cancer cells attack her?

I still have many questions to ask from God? I have unresolved issues with him. 

Gosh... I'm not being hard... But I'm expressing just what I really felt.

Plain, unadulterated truth...

**Flashback** 

#Memories ... 

It was evening hour (exactly a month after Granny's 90th birthday),  I was reading a novel on my tab... When mum received call from dad, (Oh my Gosh.... This is early.... Not even prepared for this...) Mum told get dressed we have to go to Dadi's place now.... Even then I thought it mustn't be that serious, not that, of course ... (We'll pray... she will feel much better then... ) 

As usual I was unable to haste; I went with my brother later after my mum reached to Dadi's place before me. (Okay... Sigh!)

She (granny) was lying on bed and she recognized me, her voice so feeble and faint, you had to bend nearer to her, but she recognized me... (Oh God... That was the last day, just the few precious breaths, precious moment in time, I wish God held the earth, like it would literally stop, just let me see her and talk to her enough... Plz... Before she...) 

No one in this world can ever replace my Granny... #Irreplaceable #Unconditional love...

And I know she'll love me forever.. . Even in heaven she would miss me... Since I was her favorite (grandchild)....

And one day... We will meet... And will talk... talk... talk....talk.... (Not everyone knows that I can talk a lot) 

Life goes on.... 

Bare branches grow leaves again...

After the storm ceases, then appears a rainbow...

Some wounds, some pain... Take time to heal... Sometimes it's better if they remain unnoticed by the world's eye...  Cause they are stories... Memorable... Memories....

Scars that sparkle... Scars that narrate an untold story... 

I Glimpse through the pages of past... A moment that passed away so fleetingly, I tried hard... Fought with might to grasp, grasp that thread... Just the gossamer single thread even, to catch the moment I will for eternity long, held it close as a treasure... I wouldn't bury it...I will knit it with a golden lace... Cherish it as a precious pearl...  

And I glimpse, tried too hard to keep my eyes awake, just once Lord... Just once... I would plead... Let me please, let me keep...

Let me see her once even if it's a fleeting moment in time... Her silver hairs, her wrinkled skin, the contours of her face that narrate her life story... 

I would just sing her a lullaby, gently caress her, soothe her pain and see her pale, aged eyes, slowly drop... Sinking, sinking low in the myriad of dreams... 

Fall asleep my old girl, you have wrestled with such forbearance and bravery... 

Oh thy much perseverance and kindness, may we embrace them and preserve them gloriously... 

And spread it as branches; spill it as a sweet perfume... 

Sleep thee ever so beautifully... 

For thy scars has earned thee.. The Gates of Eternal Paradise...

Forget us not... Oh we plea...

Wait till we meet thee in heavens... A company in gleaming, pearly clouds.. This time to keep for eternity...

People may die... But memories, memories live forever!

****

In loving remembrance of my Grandmother, whom I loved dearly, will always do... 

The tides of Time cannot erase away the precious memories that shall be etched forever in my heart.... 

A Teen Love Story..

I still stare the rose you gave, when you proposed your love to me...

We were too young, to understand, what is love?

I blushed and accepted both you and the rose..

And then began our love story.....

I wrote you love letters... enveloped with my perfume's fragrance......

And you would jog every evening outside my home, just only to see me...

Though it would rain but you always came.

We were both just only teens!

I remember when we finally met, long after months of exchanging letters and smiles, because we were scared of our strict Mom & Dad..

You looked so charming, in your sky blue jeans, and brought a red rose for me.

I loved the way; you would stare the floor and then turn your gaze secretly admiring me...

That was so cute, when I would catch you staring me silently... and we both would then smile, blushing pink shyly...

That day too, we only blushed and smiled, and observed the Park's scenery.

We were just only teens!

We grew up and were still in love...

You still looked charming as you use to be, but you became busier, as you studied too hard, just to keep parents happy.

You would help me in Maths, when I couldn't solve equations... though I hated Maths but loved it, just for being a reason, for us both to meet.

Its been many years...

And we are no longer, the crazy teens in love.

It's years.. Since you promised me, you'll come to make me forever yours...

And it is the day indeed...

Which we both have waited for, so eagerly...

I'm here; adorned in a pearl, white gown..

Together for eternity we belong.

I see you, beside me walking the aisle.. and you still look charming, as you always use to be.

It all began when we were both, just only teens!

********    

:Edited version of the Post previously updated on my blog, "Teen Lovestory" (dated 1/12/2013).

*Image Credits: www.Imgfave.com 

Yours Truly

Image Credits: pinterest.com

A pleasant February evening... The cafe looked unusually quiet... Dim Candescent lights were lit and sweet aroma of cinnamon, vanilla and cocoa infused in the entire room.

Kabir & Sneha sat near a corner, beside the entrance door of the cafe.

Some moments later a guy approached their table, and collected the empty coffee mugs. Both Sneha & Kabir ordered their usual favorite mocha... The pragmatic yet unassuming, Kabir sat opposite Sneha his face downward, in the silent, dimly lit room his countenance visibly expressed his sadness.

His eyes were glued to the delicate diamond ring... One which sat in his right palm and the other one, which Sneha flaunted on her manicured fingers. 

There was an awkward silence for a long while.

"I think, I must leave now."-- Sneha finally spoke, to loosen herself from the strangling, strange awkwardness.

Kabir held Sneha's hand and tried to stop her.

Sneha stood staring Kabir with questioning expressions.

" Let me leave first."--Kabir replied, his face downward, now staring the mosaic marble floor.

"Because...." --he paused, looked at Sneha with pleading eyes, but failed to continue the gaze, as his eyes became wet with tears...

"Because.... I can't stand.. to see you walk away from me." 

He picked himself and and began to walk towards the door.

"You were my Bestfriend, Kabir. We could still be friends...." -- Sneha spoke slowly rather hesitantly.

Kabir turned to reply "No! (he drew a deep breath) I don't think ...  I'll subscribe that idea. Good bye Sneha...."

Image credits: Imgfave.com

A burgandy diary lay open beside Kabir's mocha coffee mug.

Kabir's mind raced back to the past... Almost a year have passed, since he last met Sneha.

He relaxed on a chair, inside the same cafe.

It was late evening hour.

Kabir appeared melancholic, his hairs awry and mind busy in musings....

He held a silver pen and began writing intensely.

He paused some moments later, looked at a picture, the one he found while flipping the diary pages; early college years... an adorable picture of Sneha & Kabir together.

Image Credits: Imgfave.com

He brushed the streaming tears from cheeks, and picked up the pen again to write.

"Slowly as the mists disappear....

A vision begins to unravel... I find myself sinking below the deep blue Sea of Emotions...

It felt like a Dream, but I knew, I was wide awake... And then I saw Her...

She was there... Standing under the shade of the same mango tree, where we spent most of our childhood..

Her butcher brown eyes, that smiles back at you . . hides a thousand galaxies..

The gleaming Sun lighting up her skin, and she looks away, her cheeks turn red and pink blushing shyly...

I then follow her to a Secret Garden... Where she hides her favorite things, and fondest memories and wishes of heart.

We dance to her favorite melodious tunes.. There's tenderness in the air. Her dark brown curls appear as happy as her, they sway as she dance... 

It was but a Dream... I reminded myself.

I close my eyes and tried listening to the rythm of my beating heart. 

And then... I felt the deep silence.. Silent Secret Garden... I opened my eyes and stood bewildered... She left me... I searched her everywhere. Her absence left me teary eyed... 

I stood there alone, still waiting... Waiting.. Wishing she would return. Waiting, until it was dark... 

Waiting with a aching heart..

...... I still love you (a solitary tear ran down Kabir's cheeks).... ""

The ink was smudged... Kabir closed the diary and begin walking outside the Cafe. Light drizzle began falling from dark sky.

He suddenly stopped reaching the entrance door of the Cafe.

Kabir stood outside the door for a long while, almost drenched by rain...  He picked out from his right pocket, a glittering ring, and ran his fingers on the gold rim, where two letters were visible. Two letters etched 'K' and 'S' for Kabir and Sneha.

Still rains were pouring.. But Kabir's cheeks were wet with tears.

He sighed briefly, then slowly, decided to stride the dark, silent, empty streets. Walking the distance, each single step, moving away from the Cafe and the past memories.

"And it rained all night..  But could not soothe the lone, aching hearts..

I stare the silent, dull gray walls around and wonder, what possibly had gone wrong? ...

Past memories creep through the door and then silence begins to haunt..

The distances between us seems to be a million miles.. I fight hard not to cry...

Though each time, I gasp and brush away the tears... The silence, completes the sentences... That my rhythmic heartbeat whispers.. 

I have to leave it all behind...

I decide to loosen these strands, that entagle me to your memories... 

This time I truly let go...

But I promise to meet you, to the place far away... To a place where dreams turn real.. 

To a place where happiness is found...

To a place where I find you...

It is the Secret Garden.. 

Where everything you desire, everything you seek... and everything you need .. You shall find..."

~Yours Truly~

Kabir

Image Credits: Imgfave.com

The Tears I cried...

She sat near the door, staring ahead, listless and dull at the Entrance gate. Her silver, gray hairs reaching over her wrinkled pale face.

(Image credits: telegraphindia.com)

Her hazel eyes have grown weary, waiting to meet her Son. Her only Son, "Ravi" ... she  whispers  in her feeble, low voice, his name. A name she has countless times whispered, even in her slumber.

Her weary eyes now fail her, as her vision appears vague and hazy. And her frame resembles a thin shroud of wrinkled layers of skin on a lean figure.

For the past six years, she remained committed to stand near the door and silently stare for hours, at the Entrance gate, where daily visitors and elderly people like her join the Old Age Home, a place where they are truly accepted and cared.

Her heart bruised with sorrows...... These six years have been a long wait, a hard trail on patience... a lingering wound that never cease to ache....

There were times when she sighed in deep grief and despair, and slowly, tears would slide down her cheeks, her pillow often soaked with her salty tears.

"Ravi" ..... She would whisper, softly almost inaudible, while resting on her bed in deep slumber. The pale colored walls of her room have often projected images of her past life, a life full of memories of her family.

(Image credits: kickerdaily.com)

Six years ago.

Ravi's house, Pune

"Maa..." -Ravi entered a small room, which was opposite the drawing room: pale cream colored room, with light mint green floral curtains hanging over the windows.

Ravi walked closer to the bed lying in the centre of room, placed beside the small wooden cupboard. A feeble figure, lay resting on the comfy, warm bed, cuddling a velvet blue blanket. She slowly, opened her eyes and tilt her head gently towards the left to face Ravi.

Ravi bent low and gently shoke his mother, who was still in a sleepy trance, mumbling something passively. "Maa..."-Ravi began the conversation.

"We have to leave for Nasik tomorrow. Sunita(Ravi's wife)... -He paused, "her mother is very ill. -Ravi's features  expressed sadness and concern for Sunita's mother.

"Don't worry dear..."- his mother reassured, placing her hand tenderly on Ravi's shoulder. "You, Sunita and Arvind(her grandson) must go Nasik."

"I'm worried for you Maa..."- Ravi interjected, his brow creased with anxiety.

"Don't worry about me." -His mother calmly replied.

"Sunita and I have decided something." -Ravi spoke, and walked towards the window, avoiding eye contact with mother, his mind busy in deep contemplation.

He retraced his steps towards his mother and passed her a weak smile. "Trust me, will you?"  Mother calmly nodded and  sighed deeply.

The Next Day

Old Age Home, Pune

Ravi embraced his mother for a long moment. 

"Trust me Maa... This is only for few days. You will receive good care and attention here while we are away." 

His mother stood silent, her eyes remained fix on Ravi, who stared her back blankly.

He distanced himself to avoid meeting her eyes that still remain set on him, they seemed to pierce him.

He held her frail hand firmly and walked inside the room.

A sudden, strange foreboding gripped her mother's heart.... the looming dark clouds overshadowed her horizon...

And the deep silence between them left her frozen.

He smiled and dearly kissed her pale pink cheeks....

"I will come back soon...."

She continued staring him, in silence.

Soon tears wet her eyes and slide down her cheeks. She knew, deep within....

He would never return...

Yet for six years... his voice was still echoing in the corridors... in her silent, empty room... even in her subconscious...

His voice, still lying... betraying her fragile, tender heart....

"I will come back soon...."

She still waits.... Still she yearns to meet him...

Longing.... 

Still longing...

 As the Deserts long for rains.....

(Image credits: Imgfave.com)

*********************************** 

THERE IS A STORY....

There is always a Story...  behind a face...

(Image credits: computerrescueltd.co.uk)

Every face hides a story, which lies covered deep within one's skin.... Behind a cheerful mask, or the social & friendly mask, or the busy professionals mask..

The smile you see ain't always 'Real'...

(Image credits: new-you.me)

They disguise to conceal their story,

The Truth is pushed behind their smile.... they purse their lips and struggle to appeal 'Real' with guilty fake smiles...

The urban life has fascinated the world with outward fanciful charm & decorations...

Portraying a mirage, that promises happiness but cheats you with misery...

Time, a loner's companion and an insightful teacher...

Time.... has taught some, to replace the sourness, to mislead a few...

There is a pain, hidden behind a smile...

A story of desperation,

Unheard by anyone...

Smiling lips not always mean happy.

Unnoticed...

Untold...

What you see isn't always the Truth...

(Image credits : pinterest.com)

Deep within lies realities of tears unseen...

Cries unheard...

Heartaches uncomforted...

Wounds, none nursed...

The scars of ugly past,

That haunts one forever.

All the World is but a Stage...

And each tries to impress the other.

They wear the glittery brands- make-up, shoes,clothes, their glitter & glam appeals the world...

They pretend hard to win some friends, when they dislike being even around them...

Away in the dark corner, when the crowd exits, and the spotlight goes dull...

Beyond the ambitious, dreamy eyes....

There lies a story too..

The enemy 'Shame & Fear' have whispered lies to their ears...

Their strength failed, their courage stumbles..

With weak hearts, they compromise...

They hide their stories, in their deep searching eyes...

Living Life...

Living a Lie...

Fading the Truth... Slowly with time...

There is always a Story...

Unnoticed...

Untold...

Hidden beneath each skin, buried deeply in a soul...

What is revealed is not always, Truth...

There is a story hiding next door,

A story concealed by a friend from you..

A story that remains an unknown mystery, until you unveil, what hides in you...

By- Sybil Samuel

*********************************************************************

Wish for a Star...

Little girl me, was once staring out the night sky... the dark blanket full of sparkling stars, they appeared as beautiful diamonds to me.

(Image credits: pinterest.com)

Twinkling high above were millions of tiny stars... 

My eyes glittered in awe of their beauty, and I wished & wondered within me --What if I could have one of these for me?

It was the sweet, innocence of the little girl me..

I grew up, a little and learned... what  I did all those days, was only a fantasy...

You can never possess a Star! How could I even reach up to them?! They are so distant and millions of miles away...

Those little, cute dreamy eyes, that bore a dream inside...

That someday, they will behold, in pride and in utter wonder & delight... a blazing tiny star, gripped in her little palms.

That little girl did grow up, unknown to the truth and realities of this life.

No longer counting & chasing the twinkling stars in sky.

Tiny drops of tears, fall from my eyes, and roll down my peach cheeks...

Why couldn't my Dream come real?

Why is Life, so hard and mean? ....hits you as the raging sea waves, hits the rocks upon the shore...

Breaking hearts and dreams, into numerable tiny bits & pieces...

But don't know why? Still... deep within I hear an echo.... resonating inside me...

"Don't worry child! It will all be fine...

Dream on... it'll turn alive...

Why do you look up and cry? Haven't you heard, sometimes stars, do fall down, off the skies..."

(Image credits: selenada.deviantart.com)