~Forever in my Heart~

I sometimes still fight the reality, it seems so hard, but have to accept the truth.

"We can ignore even pleasure. But pain insists upon being attended to."
- C.S Lewis

"Ah..."- I sigh briefly... 

I would visit her often at my dad's younger brother's house, she would be sitting on a cushioned couch, watching a TV show, but I know it certainly well... Every day of the week, thoughts about me would cross her mind. I would greet her cheerfully, calling her my 'old girl' ( oh, she was chatty, happy, my cuddly teddy bear, I had so often wondered what was she like, when she was like me, my age?) 

I would greet her with a tight warm hug and kiss her cheeks, it was like wrapping yourself to coat of happiness, all my worries and insecurities would just disappear suddenly, like evaporate in thin air.... when I was with her. 

I miss her, so much... Her voice when she would call my name, she would wrap her love, to every vowel, it had never sounded such sweeter to me. 

I loved her the most, but I regret myself, to have denied all chances of spending much time with her. 

Dadi I wish you were with me.

I realize now, I lost my bestest friend... My Buddy for life! 

Time, they say, it heals... Seasons change ( just like you observe in the nature cycle) .. It was... Though it still hurts, was a season of pain, season when the trees shed their yellow, brown & sometimes orange leaves.

 A season of bereavement, loss, pain, memories... 

When the bare trees stand alone, silently, in silence waiting... Their stretched branches seems to be pleading to heavens, seeking grace, imploring with aching arms, their branches, that stretch forever to the Creator. 

How often, and how quickly we complain to God, that invisible powerful source, (that no one has ever really seen, no one...) About our lives, our cares, the burdens we are forced to carry... 

Our backs are hunched, we keep cold shoulders, disappointed with ourselves, with people, with circumstances, even disappointed with God, though now as we complain, we rather doubt, we doubt if he does really exist? Or even sees us fall and fail and crumble?

 

Even I questioned, I was doubtful too... Why would such a thing ever happen to her, my granny? Why would a kind, loving and religious soul like her, ever had to experience suffering, why would the life swallowing cancer cells attack her?

I still have many questions to ask from God? I have unresolved issues with him. 

Gosh... I'm not being hard... But I'm expressing just what I really felt.

Plain, unadulterated truth...

**Flashback** 

#Memories ... 

It was evening hour (exactly a month after Granny's 90th birthday),  I was reading a novel on my tab... When mum received call from dad, (Oh my Gosh.... This is early.... Not even prepared for this...) Mum told get dressed we have to go to Dadi's place now.... Even then I thought it mustn't be that serious, not that, of course ... (We'll pray... she will feel much better then... ) 

As usual I was unable to haste; I went with my brother later after my mum reached to Dadi's place before me. (Okay... Sigh!)

She (granny) was lying on bed and she recognized me, her voice so feeble and faint, you had to bend nearer to her, but she recognized me... (Oh God... That was the last day, just the few precious breaths, precious moment in time, I wish God held the earth, like it would literally stop, just let me see her and talk to her enough... Plz... Before she...) 

No one in this world can ever replace my Granny... #Irreplaceable #Unconditional love...

And I know she'll love me forever.. . Even in heaven she would miss me... Since I was her favorite (grandchild)....

And one day... We will meet... And will talk... talk... talk....talk.... (Not everyone knows that I can talk a lot) 

Life goes on.... 

Bare branches grow leaves again...

After the storm ceases, then appears a rainbow...

Some wounds, some pain... Take time to heal... Sometimes it's better if they remain unnoticed by the world's eye...  Cause they are stories... Memorable... Memories....

Scars that sparkle... Scars that narrate an untold story... 

I Glimpse through the pages of past... A moment that passed away so fleetingly, I tried hard... Fought with might to grasp, grasp that thread... Just the gossamer single thread even, to catch the moment I will for eternity long, held it close as a treasure... I wouldn't bury it...I will knit it with a golden lace... Cherish it as a precious pearl...  

And I glimpse, tried too hard to keep my eyes awake, just once Lord... Just once... I would plead... Let me please, let me keep...

Let me see her once even if it's a fleeting moment in time... Her silver hairs, her wrinkled skin, the contours of her face that narrate her life story... 

I would just sing her a lullaby, gently caress her, soothe her pain and see her pale, aged eyes, slowly drop... Sinking, sinking low in the myriad of dreams... 

Fall asleep my old girl, you have wrestled with such forbearance and bravery... 

Oh thy much perseverance and kindness, may we embrace them and preserve them gloriously... 

And spread it as branches; spill it as a sweet perfume... 

Sleep thee ever so beautifully... 

For thy scars has earned thee.. The Gates of Eternal Paradise...

Forget us not... Oh we plea...

Wait till we meet thee in heavens... A company in gleaming, pearly clouds.. This time to keep for eternity...

People may die... But memories, memories live forever!

****

In loving remembrance of my Grandmother, whom I loved dearly, will always do... 

The tides of Time cannot erase away the precious memories that shall be etched forever in my heart....