ALICE

She haunts
In the daylight
Tracing me in the deep haze of memory
Her warm breath that smell like wine and ginger
Remains on the silhouette of my skin
I sense her fingers caressing my hairs,
Then nimbly scrawling her name on my palm
She cries out my name in the silence of midnight
Keeping me awake at unusual hours
I search her
Following her voice
In the distant and dark
My soul a restless wanderer
Desiring the arms of solace
To calm my weary heart.

She softly sings me a lullaby
When her heart brims with care.
Her eyes leak a fountain
That leave behind trails of ink
Rolling down her cheeks
And breaking into verses
Filling the blank spaces with her scrambled thoughts
She was a mystery
An unsual paradox
My shadow
My agony
In disguise
The ghost of a lover
Of a love
I lived in dreams
Appealed by her sobriety
Deceived by her charms
She was a poison in a golden chalice
I drank
And sank in depths of a world forgotten
I wished she was a lie
She is my torment
Still she haunts me
Living in a guise
Even in the daylight
Never seen by the waking eyes.

LIFE

Life,

A breath

That screams in welcome,

Yet a lonely sigh that quietly pass trailing behind streams of  tears.

A treachous trap
Of vanity and vice
A wisp of smoke
Fading from the grips of grit and stronghold
Beyond the will and might.

Life,
A strangled thread of breath
Clasped in the wrinkled fists of souls
Disappearing slowly like the withered leaf blown away by winds,
Crumbling silently
Numb and frozen
Asunder in the arms of dust.

Life,
Fleeting as a moment in the blink of an eye
Temporal and fragile
A beauty ceasing as the season
The glorious gaze of the shadow, peering through the    curtains of mortality,
A glimpse of a sombre existence, on a dreary winter in the mirrors in dark.

Unfathomable
Incomprehensible by hypothesis of intelligence
Simple yet convincing
Flawed though empowering
A metaphor of mirth and sorrow

An unexplained mystery
A fight
Fret hard with creased brows.
An irrevocable fate,
The smile of approbation resigning in revel or discontent.

Life a gasp of magic
A canvas of colours and emotions, dull and bright
A mistress mean
Tutoring the secret wisdom gained beyond obscurity and solitude.

Life,
A poignant misery of despair and pain
As expectancy sails on the tides of melancholy
Chasing a myriad of dreams
Falling and rising in the waves of uncertainties
Struggling to reach the shores...
With frail hearts carrying the weights
That drown them deeper
Empty, restless seeking an abode,
Searching relentlessly
A resting place
For the tired and weary soul
Captive in a prison
Scorched by cares and avarice

Life is a fleeting slideshow of illusions, dreams, images and ultimately, redundancy.
Infinite, permanent and all pervading.
The only truth there is.
While everything lures is just mere derivative.

Life
An existence beyond the hypocrisy flowing through the arteries of existence.
Beyond purpose
Beyond the evil of ignorance and hate
Beyond the gossamer veils of mortality and morality. Something transcending the boundaries of the apparent and the visible.

Life,
Transient yet immortal
A journey embarked by transcendence.

Flames of Past Love

He walked through the doors
Finally meeting his past
The silence crumbled under his feet as withered leaves squeaked and folded in dust
Her heart cried out for him from her secret chamber
Behind the high walls of the castle
Abandoned for a decade long.
She was hid in the shadows of memories
Behind the magnificence and fame, framed in silver and gold
Her soul constantly sought a home
Treading alone distances amidst the fog of time
She was a ghost without rest
Wailing in the darkness
Her tears left acrylic imprints of her scarlet tale unheard
Leaving a faint fragrance of remembrance,  of her forbidden love
The love she found and lost.
And he called out her name
Her heart breathed life again
He called her name aloud in the silent dark
The chains fell as her eyes gazed him, through the moonlight that fell on his imperial features.
She stepped out from the chambers
Her soul released from the fret
She saw him transfixed
He walked towards her
Her walls still burned with the scars of past
He walked through the walls
No more can the prison held him behind as captive
No more can any walls build tall could ever separate them
He was the ghost of a past lover
Clasped in letters of a clandestine memory
Staring freedom behind the bars of delusion
Seeking for his solace
And finally they met
And time slipped as the key that fell forever, in embrace of the glimpse of beauty captured on a river; a river, overflowing with the waters of Love.

(Image credits: Pinterest.com)

Sense of an Ending

I gaze in her grey eyes
And I find a sea of nostalgia drowning me in
The mists of melancholy blinded the view
And I found myself in deep gulfs of silence
The silent dark of loneliness
Where my soul howled alone in dark
And the deep silence fell
Fell and every shard of it
Hurt and made me bleed
And it felt as a strange foreboding,
Of an eclipse of loneliness cast on soul
It appeared as a long journey came to a sudden abrupt end
I was waving bye to the thing I had so badly desired,
Leaving me behind, deserted in a city far away
And I saw her leave
Walking each step, an infinite distance away from me
She finally turns and stares quietly standing near the door,
A single tear,
A last goodbye
And then the whistle blows,
I'm waving at the train I wanted to be in
And watch my heart sink as it leaves
A part of my soul lost with her in the unknown town she goes.

It was a glimpse,
Glimpse of a fleeting moment I gazed in the mirror of her grey eyes
It wasn't an end
But it was
The sense of an ending.
--Sybil Samuel

(Image credits: theodesseyonline.com)

Silence

How heavy was the silence that fell without noise
When words struggled hard in despair,
Hiding behind the dark, longing to be heard
Silence, bruised and bleeding,
Stood outside the door alone for words pleading.

Yet silence the one most guilty
Filling the empty spaces with questions that hurt
Questions wandering in distance and loneliness.

Silence the culprit
Silence the crime.
How grieved were words when they hanged you to die

Silence a graveyard of empty souls
Living in confusion, fears and misery
Struggling to be themselves, longing to be free.
Hiding behind the masks, seeking attention and care.

Silence the awful answer
For the hearts' prayer.

Silence the darkness,
The hopelessness...
The desperation of will that finally quit.

Silence the sigh
Resting atlast in its tomb with words engraved beside.

Silence a broken word...
The cry of a broken world.
----Sybil Samuel

(Image credits: Imgfave)

खोया है वो

वो गुम है दुनिया की भीड़ में
ना जाने क्या खोजता रहता  हैं
भुल आया है
शायद कुछ अपना
जो अब बेगानो  मे दुंढ़ता है

जाने वो क्या है
जो बेचन है उसका यह दिल
क्या गम छिपाये रखा  है
जो यूँ खामोश नाखुश जी रहा है

रफ्तार से दौड़ती जिन्दगी
कल लगती थी जानी  पेहचानी
आज जिन्दगी  है शायद कोई जेसे अजनबी
और वो एक अकेला  गुमनाम सा राही

भूल आया वो शायद मंजिल
निकला था कभी खोजने वो जिसका पता
आज पता है
लेकिन  पुराना
पुराना शहर
पुरानी इमारतें
वही पुरानी गलिया
लेकिन अफ़सोस है कुछ भी पहले सा नही

टूटे आएने मे तलाशता है आज खुद को वो
दुन्दला अक्स भी जेसे अब नज़र आता  है पराया

क्या हूँ मैं?
क्यों हूँ मैं?
है उलझन मन और ना जाने कितने  सवाल

हाँ दुंढ़ता है कुछ वो
शायद आज भी
जिसे खोया था उसने इसी दुनिया की भीड़ में

हाँ खोया है वो
उसने कुछ खोया है
जो खोया  है
क्यों हैं आज खुद वो ।

--Sybil Samuel

My Dearest Zach ❤

(Image credits: Imgfave.com)

19th July 2016, 10:40 PM

It was getting late enough to be worried.  I once again stepped into the balcony and looked down. Except for a drenched street dog lying down miserably near the gate, there was not a soul to be seen anywhere .  Rain water had puddled under the lamp post.  A breeze ruffled the mango tree in the courtyard and a few twigs fell down and broke.  Thunder rumbled in the distance.  

Did I hear a soft knock at the door? 

I turned back... 

Someone had unlocked the door. 

It must have been Zach. He had finally arrived home.

I ran to meet him.  Tonight he looked a lot more exhausted than usual. I placed my paws on his branded black trousers and stood up to greet him. 

Zaccheus Nielson, my dearest, closest, and sweetest friend. The one and only Zach. 

At forty, Zaccheus was still ruggedly handsome but slowly wearing out. His tanned face was creased and his cropped greying hair had becoming chaotically unkempt. 

I stared at him for a long while, slowly wagging my bushy tail, waiting for him to lovingly hug me and call my name. I stood there waiting for him to pat my back.  But he pushed my paws away and silently walked into his room. 

There were moments like this when I felt so helpless and abandoned... and I felt the same now as I stood alone inside this richly furnished, yet sombre-looking house at the corner of the block. 

"Zach" I gasped and cried to myself in helplessness. 

I saw him, night after night dissolving in his own tears... 

Zach and I had always been best buddies.  I’d seen him grow into an ambitious, hardworking and zealous young man. I saw the rage of red in his eyes, whenever he stayed awake working late nights and at odd hours, finding his way up the corporate ladder. 

His hard work did finally pay off. I still remember that day; the glitter of gold and silver sparkling on to my face, as he beamed with pride carrying the “Best Employee” award home; how much I admired him in that velvety black tuxedo. The thought of knowing how I'd almost lost him to myself!

I stood beside him as he cried every night - right through the days, after losing Roselyn, his beloved wife. How painful and depressing had been their separation.

Roselyn, the woman of his dreams. They were like one soul living in two different bodies. Theirs was a love story that was never destined to end. Or so Zach thought. Being orphaned early in life, they both became college sweethearts - the memory of their love still lays locked behind mahogany drawers, a love story embellished and framed forever, yet sadly which didn't last. They both possessed ambitions which finally overpowered their marital life. Sometimes the house remained a silent den, and at other times it seemed a tumbled up mess of chaos as the two clashed as titans from Homer’s epics. Each was unwilling to agree and submit to the other. And this finally festooned into something unspeakable. A separation. Yes, they both had to part ways and Zach suffered from it the most. She had married again. Zach lived in her memory and it slowly ate him away.

I watched him silently in much pain just as he felt the same emitting from every nook and corner of this empty, soulless house. 

I followed Zach quietly to his room, and stood there still, as if my toes were glued to the designer tiled floor. 

Zaccheus Nielson, my handsome Zach, stood in his room near the drawer, his shoulders hunched in resignation, his eyes wet with tears. I can't say for sure, but he must have seen me standing near the door. 

"Bob" he finally called out, after an almost inexplainable and painfully long stretch of time - an hour of 60 minutes, or 3600 seconds, to be precise. The frightening silence had weighed me down.  It had scared me out of my wits. Yes, I was his pet, his Bob, a four-legged creature but with a heart and brain of my own. Yes it was a brain that couldn't rationally differientate between simple and compound interest, but could surely discern a choice between a chicken pizza and sausage. And did I mention I possess a heart? Yes I did. We pets do possess feelings and emotions too. 

That night I felt fear; I was afraid and sad and felt helpless too. Being a canine, there was very little I could do if the need arose for me to act like any human being. All I could do was bark, wag and whine.

I saw his face, he looked pale, disturbed and withdrawn; his eyes appeared like dark pits, offering glimpses of his soul drowning in an abyss, endlessly seeking, searching for some purpose. 

It was the look of disappointment that I fathomed in his eyes. 

I sought for the old Zach in him as I looked intently, but I was heartbroken, for all I found was a man searching for something, something beyond the material... 

It went beyond his top floor office, the frequent flyer miles, the applause, the crisp currency notes...  He searched for something beyond.... 

It was something transcending the boundaries of the apparent and visible. It was something I could no longer discern or understand...

"Bob" he cried my name aloud, as he hugged me firmly, tears trickling from his eyes and rolling down his cheeks. 

I quietly placed my paws on his shoulders and felt his warm breath, his heartbeats were racing . I closed my eyes and groaned, understanding the pain of his shattered soul and heart. 

Then he kissed me, patted my head, and asked me to leave him alone. 

I resisted his orders. I didn't leave. I have always remained his obedient and faithful Bob. But tonight, I felt a strange sense of foreboding. 

A sudden premonition crippled and struck my heart. The air outside sat as silently still and oppressive as the air inside. 

I barked as I persisted. 

He shrugged his shoulders and simply turned back, and walked towards the drawer. 

He took something out of the drawer. 

I stopped barking and stood silent, aghast, as I watched him put a bullet inside his temple. 

"Zach" I gasped in disbelief. 

And then came the questions, all flooding my dog-sized brain: What was it that you lacked?  Fame, money, power, sex-appeal?  Wasn't I enough for you?  Your dearest and closest buddy, Bob. How many times had you promised me that we will be together, forever. Yes forever. What was it that you truly wanted? What was it that you never got? 

Zach, oh my dear loving Zach, why did you do this?  You broke your promise! Why? Why did you let your legacy end so prematurely? Oh what had you done, my dear Zach!

19th July 2016 , the unforgettable night of my life. The ashes of Zach's memory still burn in my heart. 

19th January 2017

I fled from my adopted home; my new friends will definitely find me, sooner yet too late.

Soon after Zach's funeral I was taken to my new home; they were Zach's distant relatives from his fathers side. They were a loving family of four members. They seemed to be kind and chirpy, yet something was always missing. They fed me, took  me for long walks, they took me even to a vet, yet I longed for something and that was love.

I missed Zach, it was always different with Zach; I waited for him to return from work, we shared deep conversations, I longed to hear his voice, the humorous side of Zach was something he kept hidden behind a diplomatic smile, a mask he wore to please the world, the daunting task of gaining everyone's approval . How much he hated it as each day he grew weary pretending to be the person who was successful in everything yet he failing himself. He kept denying the choice to live the person who he had always dreamt to be. Holidays, world tours, a family, kids, grandkids - he missed all this along with his busy corporate life.

I strayed and wandered on different paths for days, hungry and tired. I lacked my old strength and zeal, I had grown weak and sick. Yet at last I finally did manage to reach that one place where I sort to be the most.

It wasn't a dream; it was indeed real. I stood in the corner of the block, silently watching my house. The house where I belonged,  the place where I had dwelled with Zach. 

My dearest, closest and best friend Zach. I wish you knew how much I missed you. I wish you knew how orphaned I felt in this big wide world. I wish you had put a bullet in my head and ended my misery too. Life was meaningless without you. Yes it was. 

I miss you Zach.

(Image credits: Pinterest.com)

Special thanks to Lancy Mark (valuable assistance in completing the story :-)